Guest Post by Gattino Tong Hoang: Fear and Loathing in Bangkok

This was my sixth time visiting Bangkok and my first time in Cha-am where I experienced many things which I didn’t on my previous trips.

Day One

Let’s start at the airport in HCMC. I brought so many clothes that they denied my luggage for check in! We booked an apartment in Cha-am by the beach and it was so funny that we could not find it. The local people were friendly and showed us the way to get to our apartment. Nice huh? But you know what, they all showed us to the Cha-am train station where almost 99% of the people did not speak English. We had to use body language and key words in English to talk to them.

We decided to take a Song Theow to find our place and finally we got to the very luxurious beautiful resort. We all were happy until the receptionist told us “This is not the place you booked.”

We continued to look for our place until the late evening bearing in mind we arrived in the morning. Eventually, we found our place and everyone was contented. But this was short lived as there was no wifi in our apartment! The first day was already done, and we wondered what next was in store on our epic adventure.

We all wanted to go to the beach, but we found it interesting that our swimming pool was more beautiful than the beach! My friends and I spent the whole morning at the pool recording crazy clips and taking mad photos rather than at the beach. Afterwards we decided to visit the market and experience some tourist attractions in Cha-am.

The receptionist told us that all of the market places were very far away from our place. We took initiative and jumped in a ‘Grab Car,’ and were glad that we did as on the way we saw a very big beautiful coffee shop named “factory” and we decided to visit it after the big market village for lunch (food there was good). Except it turns out that it wasn’t really a coffee shop, but it was a luxurious restaurant.

On the way back to our place, the driver advised us to hire a car to take us back to Bangkok from our place but we did not take it, we wanted to go to Hua Hin bus station and get the bus from there to save money. We got back to our place and later went to Seven Eleven to have dinner. The instant food there so delicious and the Thai milk tea was yummy. Finally, we got back to our rooms and filled the rest of our evening with crazy photo shoots again.

Day 3

We got the Grab car to take us to Hua Hin station. We got there around ten or eleven o clock but discovered that the next bus left around 3pm. We had to wait in the scorching heat. Everybody was so tired from it that we called the driver from the previous night and asked him to pick us up and take us back to our apartment. Finally, we arrived back at our apartment after more than two hours. Everybody was so happy and thinking that it would be better. Wait! It was the same problem, there was no wifi in the apartment again. We contacted the owner and she was in Japan. She said she would try to fix it but… My friends had to go and buy 4G card to use.

Evening had approached and we got dressed up to visit the touristic area with many bars and restaurants called Khaosan Road. We walked along the lively street and decided to sit at a bar with lovely music. But just as we entered, the band just stopped singing!  We were lucky huh? We had a few beers and left.

Day 4

The next morning, we visited the Wat Arun temple – the symbol of Bangkok. Damn! It was so hot and humid in Bangkok that I got a terrible headache due to lack of water. A friend and I decided to enter the temple leaving the rest of our group outside. The temple was impressive and I asked my friend to take some photos for me.

The next stop was the largest outdoor market in Asia called the Chattuchak market. We got the bus there from the grand palace. We were excited about it and ready to burn out our wallets. And as we got there, only 20% of the market was opened. Jesus Christ! What to do? Only one thing. Eat.

We looked for somewhere to eat and managed to get lunch next to the market. Holyshit! The food there was so horrible. Such old food with no taste at all.  I was too tired with the headache, another friend had a stomach ache so we got back to our place while the rest wanted to wait until 6pm for the rest of the market to open. I finished the day in bed with headache while my friend finished his day on the toilet…

Day 5

I proposed that we to go to Terminal 21 shopping mall for food. Halleluiah! The good thing about this place was that the food was delicious and cheap, much cheaper than the markets and other malls. We ate so much there and started to shop after until the evening. Then we went to the Swensen to buy a cake for my birthday celebration. There were some delicious looking “cakes” there. I asked the seller ” Is it birthday cake? ” and she replied “Yes it is birthday cake.”  I bought the “cake” and put it in the fridge at our place for the next day to celebrate my birthday.

In the evening, we went to the Red-Light district of Bangkok. We went through the “pussy and dick,” place and decided to watch a porn naked gigolo at the gay bar. There were many gay bars with the naked porn shows so we didn’t know which one to go in.

Finally, we chose the last bar of the area. Holyshit! The gigolos there had hard dicks all the time and their penis’ were huge. It seemed like they used drugs or something to keep their members bigger and erect the whole night. We were laughing a lot about the show, we did not feel it was hot. But it was funny watching the naked guys dancing, sucking each other and f**king live on stage. We planned to take a hot gigolo home as a stripper for my birthday but the guys really didn’t look hot and we did not want to pay $50 for it.

Day 6

We returned to Terminal 21 for the food again. Afterwards, we went to Chatuchak market again for shopping. There were so many nice things but not really cheap to buy. A funny thing was my friend’s credit card was denied at five ATM machines, and the rest did not have enough money for shopping, so I lent them some cash.

As we got back to our place she had to contact her bank in Vietnam to solve it. And I did not bring my visa master card this time. We just prayed. Later we got home to celebrate my birthday.

I put my beautiful sparkling outfit on ready for the birthday cake set with a red dick on the top yummy! My friends bought some food and drinks also. However, when we were about cut the cake, as I pulled out the paper around the “cake” to cut it, all of it just melted and turned into a big mess on the table.

We also discovered that it was not a cake as the seller said…IT WAS AN ICE CREAM LOAF!

My birthday celebration ended with a mess of ice cream on table and without the hot stripper as we planned.

Day 7

The next day was frustrating day as we all only had small amount of cash. My friend tried her best to resolve the problem with her credit card. We spent the day at the swimming pool at our place relaxing. In the afternoon, I wore beautiful makeup again and dressed in my glamorous red sparkling clothes to get ready for the evening.

WOW! I couldn’t believe how sexy and beautiful I looked! As I got out of the car, many people stared at me. People kept their eyes on me anywhere I went.

I was so stunning! We walked from shopping malls to various other outlets the whole evening. We spent half of our small left money on clothes, lotion, shampoo and makeup tools (We couldn’t resist it).

Day 8

It was our last day in Bangkok so we went to Big C mall for more… SHOPPING! My friend had just resolved her problem with credit card and we were so relieved.

The Big C Mall has many things and the price was low. It was a good idea to buy things such as gifts for friends and family back in Vietnam.

We bought many things and thought the bill would be in English and we used my friend’s credit card for it. Then another annoying thing happened as we found out that the bill was in Thai language! We didn’t know who bought what to work out the price and spend the whole night trying figure it out. We even used the image translation from Google but Google came up with funny translations. Now we owe our friend money but don’t know how much!

Day 9

Now our last morning in Bangkok before the trip back to Vietnam in the evening. Again, it was our last time for good cheap food at Terminal 21 and we said goodbye to Bangkok.

I think next time, I’ll visit somewhere else, but it was a great trip with good friends and an experience I’ll never forget.

Thanks for reading and I hope you can join me again on my adventures!

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